"My Name Is Fred"

I started of as a marine fighting in a war far away from my home, which isn't my home anymore since basically I am a convict, which is also why they sent me to fight this war. I don't know about you, but I don't think tripping and accidentally knocking out a high-ranking general constitute as a crime. One mistake and they send me here.
Anyway... I started of as a Marine. I fought the Protoss. I fought the Zerg, and yes I am still alive. One of the greatest past times as a marine is getting physical by the female medics. I think, maybe it just me but it gets old after 50 or more times a week.
I eventually worked my way up to being in the fire bat squad. Which were much more fun then being a marine, but much for hazardous to ones health. One hit in those huge propane tanks I was carrying in my back and I would have been burnt to a crisp. Did I mention that I learned 101 things to do with propane? Wow the things some of these other guys think off... Anyway, there were many times that I almost got cooked. That is when I decided to find a better job. I then found out that I had special mental skills to become a ghost. A "Ghost!" To be a ghost is to be elite. Did I mention that being a Ghost is way cool?

Oh, I forgot to tell you why I am writing this. It is because I'm tired of getting physicals, and I hope this will get back to earth.

A Protoss, A Terran And A Zerg

What happens when you toss in an odd bunch to roommate with each other? Lots of friends do that these days. Sometimes roommates get along, and sometimes they can get under each other skin for being a pain in the behind, but what if we toss in a Terran, Protoss and a Zerg into a house to live in together? Interesting combination isn't it? The Terrans don't really like to get along with the Protoss, and definitely not the Zerg. The Protoss hate the Zerg for basically making them homeless, and the Zerg just want to take over the universe. One would think that if these 3 would be put together all heck will break loose. The Protoss would go straight after the Zerg, (revenge kind of thing for turning Aiur to a dust ball of a planet, and spreading the Protoss species to the wind.) The Zerg would try to take over everything, and the Terran? Well he would be left alone, because in the cosmic scheme of things. Terrans are no big deal in the Universe, or so the Protoss and Zerg think.
Well not these bunch of roomates. All they want to do is live out there lives away from fighting one another, and killing, and for once in their lives, make a living.

Well let’s introduce the roommates. The Terran is a Marine named Guss Winkley; (Just don't tease him about his name. He kind of gets touchy on that subject. Taking that he's a marine and all, "I’m a Marine! Super fey, and all that stuff!")
The Protoss is a Zealot named of Benthus, but for short everyone just calls him Ben. The Zerg is a Hydralisk and its name is GRAZZZRRRRRWWOOOOO, but everyone just calls him "Fido". No one really wants to take the time to pronounce a name such as GRAZZZRRRRWWOOOOO. He or It’s the hardest of the roommates to understand since it does not even speak English!

The first day starts out like this: Guss is a laid back kind of guy when he's not out fighting wars and stuff. Lazy and sloppy, all he does is eat, go to work, goof off, clean his gun and sleep. Ben on the other hand is very orderly individual. A very dedicated person...huh individual. Everything to him is for Aiur. When cooking dinner it's "For Aiur!" Cleaning the house it's "For Aiur!" Everything is "For Aiur!" Well you get the idea. Fido is the odd one of the bunch. No one understands him, and he keeps spreading creep all over the house, and for Guss, who is usually sloppy. The creap takes the cake for him.
Guss: "Hey Fido, you bad Hydralisk! Stop spreading creep all over the house! It's disgusting and smells, like a locker room, dead fish, and terpintian all rolled in one."
Fido: "Grrrrrrrwwwkrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
Guss: "What in the world did you just say boy? You better not be saying something about my mamma, or you going to sleep outside.
Ben: "Stop talking Guss! You not the cleanest human I ever met. Have you seen the bathroom? It was your job to clean it today, but noooo!"
Guss: "What! For someone who doesn’t talk with a mouth you sure do know how to complain! and when does a Protoss ever use the bathroom? I didn't know you could at all.
Ben: "Yes we can! We just don't discuss it with anyone. It's not like you discuss when you go or anything. Fido doesn’t mind, because when he goes, everyone knows."
Yes this is a typical day in the life of these 3 roomates. Actually this is pretty much tame compared to other days. Guss would go to work watch TV, lift weights, and clean his gun. While Ben does everything for Aiur. Fido on the other hand just creeps all around the house. Ah wait you say! Why are these 3 different races, who are swarn enemys of each other living together in the same house? Well, we could say your in the Twilight Zone, but we can't. Coppy rights infringment. Don't want to get sued and all.

Well anyway, Ben works as a vidao game sales person, and the game he likes to indorse is Star-somthng, but he says it's an awsome game, and of course he's working "For Aiur!"
Fido is having trouble finding work. Everytime he went to a job interview eveyone kepted screaming and running away. Poor Fido, he or it has the hardest of luck. Guss says it's his or its look, that only an Overmind will love, but even though Fido can't speak english at all, dosen't mean he dosen't understand. After Guss said that to Fido. Guss found his room full of creep, and Fido laughing in a zerghis way in the background.

"Lone Solder"

Unit number 377, of the 17th "Kick Ass" marine squad. On patrol after our ship was ambushed by scourge. We had no choice but to land on a Zerg infested planet. Was ambushed by several dozen Zerglings and Hyrdalisks. We killed all of them, but with a price of half our squad. I don't know how long....

grrhhhhhhhhhissssssssssssssssssssk! (Dead Zerling near solder, thought was dead but half alive.) "Shut the hell up!!!" (Solder takes gun and blast it in the head a couple of times.) Bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang bang! (Well more then a few times!)

Well as I was saying before I was interrupted. I don't know how long I can last in this place. Most of the people I know have been killed or gone crazy, insane, nuts. A marine I used to serve with got caned will taking a number "2". 3 commanders have been killed, and I had nothing to do with the 3rd death. I mean all was left was a smocking crater, and no evidence to implicate me. Oh and there is this crazy SCV pilot, who lost his marbles a while ago and mauled our 2nd commander. No one wants to be around him. Our current commander stays light years distances from him.
We were almost away from this freaking sector of space when we got ambushed, and had to land on this planet for repairs. From what I heard, it won't take a day or 2 to fix. If we last that long to take off again.
Oh yeah, a couple of times the higher-ranking officers offered to promote me to commander. The first thing was said was "Hell No!" First of that screw ball of a nut case SCV pilot that whacked our 2nd commander is still alive, and then there is all those pocking the troops! I rather be a Marine in the front line then a commander. At least we have a better chances of being alive heh? Oh hold on again I see a long Zergling running around. I think I am going to have fun with it, then kill it at the end!

(Marine chases the Zergling) "Come on! Why you running away from little old me you little bug? Is it because of this gun? Heh...Heh...Come on! Your afraid that I'm going to f*** with you?" (Marine chases Zergling over a large hill.)

(Marine running away from hidden swarms of Zergling and Hydalisks that he couldn't see over the hill when chasing lone Zergling.) "Shit, Damn, F*** and all those cursing words I promised I will never to say again if I live. Mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy mommy! Wait a minute! I don't remember my mother." (Incoming siege tank barrage.) "mother...."
BOOM, BOOM , BOOM , BOOM, BOOM!!! (Marine flying though the air from the siege tank blasts, and falls to the ground on his back.) "Watch the hell where your firing, you could have freaking killed me!" (Marine rolls onto a dead body.) "Heh, who's dead corps his this? OH! It's, it's, it's...It's the commander...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! What a hoot! looks like where going to get a forth commander." (More incoming fire from siege tanks. Marine scrambles out of the way, while his yelling is smuthered away by the blasts.) Dam....BANG BANG BANG....

(After all the zerg are dead, marine goes up to the siege tank where the pilot was standing, and with out thinking slugs him in the face.) "Yeah baby that's what you get for not watching where you fire you big gun. You like your big gun, I'll give you a big gun!"

(Marine takes Siege pilot and ties him to the front of the beral of the siege gun...Naked!)

"A Day In The Life Of An SCV Pilot"

If it's not fix this or fix that, It's build that or gather those minerals or vaspene gas from that geysers. Oh, and don't forget your defenseless, and an easy target for Zerg chow! You know it is not easy being an SCV pilot. That damn commander is going to be the death of me. He never leaves me alone. He is always poking me here and they’re....THIS SCV IS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE A TIN CAN! I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!! ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!......

"Hey! Hey buddy! What is with all the screaming and yelling? Are you ok?"
"Huh...what?......computer pause log entry, someone’s trying to talk to me."
"What?"
"What is with all the screaming and yelling? I hope your not going to crack and douse your self with nepalm, and burn your self to death like Charlie did."
"No, I’m not going crazy, so what do you want? I'm working here. I need to fill my quota for vaspene gas mining for the day."
"Did you hear that the commander is dead?"
"What? Did you say the commander is dead? Dead as in frog jumping into an alligator's mouth dead?"
"Yes I said dead. As in gone, no more poking."
"How?"
"Went on patrol this morning, and was ambushed by hoards of Zerg. No one survived. Well that's it, don't want to keep you from your work."

"Computer resume log." I can't believe that the commander is actually dead! A bunch of Zerg ambushed the poor sucker, and he became ground beef. What luck, this day is getting better! I can finally relax now. I can finally @#$%ing relax, no more poking anymore, but another fellow SCV pilot, named of Charlie couldn't handle the pressure. He took some nepalm from the fire bat squad, doused himself and lit the match. It was sad, but at least the guy in the fire bat squad had a kick watching.

Those Zerg are some stranger critters. Their never ending, none stop, they kinda remind me of that ancient fake sci-fi movie called...hmmm......what's that name again; it has to do with marines and lots of BUGS. Oh well, It'll come back to me sooner of later. This planet is full of them, but at least we can leave soon. The battle ship can leave at anytime now, and I, for once will be glad to get of this mud ball of a planet. I don't know how long I am going to last. I might just end up the way the other poor SCV pilot did. Oh, I shouldn't forget those odd Protoss, those eyes, and those mouths.....wait a second, Protoss don't have mouths. It's just very strange how they talk with out a mouth. It gives me goose bumps, and the Protoss make the war even worse, since their out there to blast all the Zerg and the planet their on to micro dust. Including anyone else that is also on that planet. Oh well, that's if for now...Oh look, we got another commander, I hope he's not a @#$% head as the last commander?......Wait, what is he...He's poking ME...NO NOT AGAIN! WHAT IS WITH COMMANDERS...? ARGGHHHHHHHHHHHH. (The SCV pilot charges the new commander, an with his SCV runs over him, and welds the new commander to death!)

The SVC pilot was put in the brig for 1 week, and then released. He has never been the same again. All commanders are warned to stay away from this SCV pilot!!!

"A Log Of A Fire Bat"

One thing I don't like is someone who doesn’t appreciate fire, and I am not talking about a small flame. I am talking about a raging inferno. Ah, the wonders of fire. There is nothing better in this universe then propane and napalm, expressly smelling it in the morning. Everyone else thinks the smell of burning Zerg is vulgar and disgusting, but we of the elite fire bat squad think differently about that. Out here on this bare planet, the smell of burning Zerg is second to an evening of BBQ. This Marine didn’t think so. He kept on looking at us as if we were strange. I really don't know why, were perfectly normal, everyone around us is strange. Last time I saw that marine. He finally got caned on the can! What an undignified way to go, he could at least die in flames. I mean if we should all go one day. We should all go in a nice inferno.
Our former commander also bit the dust. Ambushed by hordes of Zerg during a patrol. Everyone never did like him. He kept poking everyone. Some times for good reason in the HEAT of battle, and most of the time he would poke us for no freaking reason. That marine fella I mentioned. He was always conspiring to do something nasty to the commander, and it was not just him, but the whole battalion wanted to see the commander a smoking crater, so one day I mention to them. If the commander had to go, douse him with napalm and light a match. It was that simple, but no! They looked at me in a really strange way that is impossible to describe.
Now we have a new commander, and he is just like our former commander. I don't know where these commanders come from, and the endless poking. It can even drive a Protoss mad. Well all I need is some propane and my trusted flamethrower. What a man could ask for, other then those HOT women medics. That reminds me, why are all the medics all women? Oh well, I don't really care, they can give me a physical anytime....umm, (*smiles*).
........Is it me or did some one light a flame in here because it is sure getting hot.

"The Thoughts Of A Lone Zergling"

Translated from a Zergling:
Arghhhhgggggggahhhhaaaaaaaa!
Follow the will of the overmind.
Grahahahazzzzzzzzaaahhhh!
Kill all the terrians.
ghhhaghgggggg!
Kill the Ceriget that's poking me.
Aghrahhgaaaa.......SPLAT!!!

The End, (Got run over by 2 terrians, who thought It was some poor guys dog!)

Log ends due to unfortunet death of marine.

Was killed while doing his business on the jon.

The Day After The Next Day

The battle ship we where working on is finally finished, and we can all finally get off this freaking rock ball off a planet. The commander unfortunately is dead, but who cares! He died while surrounded by hundreds of Zergling and Hydralisk, while leading a patrol. That's what he gets for poking everyone in sight. I on the other hand, almost got my head chopped off, again! That is not the only time I came close to loosing a limb, or some part of my anatomy. Anyway, I am just glad that I am going to get of this stupid planet.
Those fire bat guys are really getting on my damn nerves. Man are they a strange bunch. What is it with them and fire anyway? Oh and a reminder to self. Don't mention any reference of cold or ice. Expressly the term, "When hell freezes over" to fire bats, when they get mad, the get MAD, raging inferno if you put it. I did exactly that, and almost got burnt to a crisp, literally. Not only do those guys love fire, they have a raging temper to go with it.
Last night I spent some to with this cute female medic, well all of them are female.....Anyway, we had some rations, and later the big thing the men want from the medics are physicals. Hey! Where in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by deadly Zerg, who are bent on our destruction. You do the math!

The Next Day

December, January, no maybe it's June something. I don't know, and right now I don't give a damn. I've been stuck on this planet for months surrounded by millions of Zerg. I'm surprised that we lasted this long against all this Zerg, and that stupid commander is still poking me, so you know what I did? No I didn't turn him into a smocking crater. I shot his foot and made it look like an accident. That's what he gets for poking everyone so many times. You know come to think about it. He pokes the guys more then he pokes the women medics! Ewwwww, That was a lovely thought!
Anyway, on the bright side, we are on construction on a battle ship to get us of this mud ball, and hopefully back home to Earth.
Oh and yesterday, on patrol, we encountered a group of Zergs. We killed all of them, but one was still left half alive, and one of the fire bat guys dropped his fire bat suite and stuck his butt next to the half dead Zerg and let out a huge fart, and killed the Zerg!
I knew they where full of hot gas but this takes the cake! It was a good thing we all had our helmet on or we would have been killed along with the dead Zerg.

"I, Marine" A Diary Of A Lone Marine

I can't believe I'm still alive after fighting the Zerg, and now the Protoss, and this is why I left Earth? To fight a war light years away from home. That's not the best part of all! The entire Earth fleet left back for Earth. After suffering a huge defeat by the Zerg. Leaving a number of men behind on this rock ball of a planet to defend our selves from who knows what. I almost got my Head Chopped off last night after encountering a wondering lone Zergling, during patrol, and today I finally got a couple of hours off time from duty to complain about something. With out saving my butt from certain death, but at least the guys from on the fire bat squad are taking it cool, or should I say Hot.
Couple of men on the fire bat squad, or as I call them "Fire Bugs", are having a BBQ tonight, again! Their mato is "Don't light a match, I'm full of gas", and I'm not talking the kind of gas when your eating beans.
The Commander is also a strange one. He keeps on poking me and everyone else for no apparent reason. Some of the other Marines have already vested interest in turning the commander into a smoking creator, but as for me. I would just ripe his head off, and feed his remains to the Zerg, but that's me. It is fast efficient, and if I plan it right. I can get away with out anyone knowing. No one will suspect anything. Since we are out in the middle of know where surrounded by killer Zerg. Hey, anything can happen.
(Note to self, don't brag about killing the commander, if I actually have the guts of doing it.)